What It Means to Be Primarily Responsible For the Nurture of Your Children
by Meg Tilton
Megtiltoncoaching.com
meg@megtiltoncoaching.com
I remember when President Hinckley delivered “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” during the 1995 Women’s session of General Conference. I was excited to see such a prominent document delivered specifically to the women of the church.
At the time of its unveiling, I was not yet married and would often dream about the day I would finally find my true love, get married, settle down and have children. I just couldn’t wait until I could have my kids, be home with them, teach them, nurture them, and protect them in every way possible, as outlined in The Proclamation.
Then I had kids. With their arrival quickly faded the realization that I could “do it all” for them and I became overwhelmed, stressed, and felt severely unqualified to take on such a huge role. Being the person primarily in charge of instructing, caring for, molding, and developing these children that had been given to me was daunting.
It wasn’t until several years into motherhood, when I had five children underfoot, that I started to wonder if there was a different way, a better way. A way that didn’t seem so daunting and overwhelming. The answer I was looking for came when I was once again reading “The Proclamation” and read the line, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”
I had read that line many times before but this time the Spirit added an addendum: “But that doesn’t mean you have to do all the nurturing. It just means you are in charge of making sure it happens.”
Can I tell you what a relief that was? The realization that while I needed to make sure my children were nurtured but that I was not expected to do it by myself was a huge weight lifted. I mean really, why do we think we can do it all? I believe that the Adversary takes so much good and twists it just enough so that we feel overwhelmingly inadequate and incapable of doing anything right or good. Motherhood is one of his favorite playgrounds to make sure this happens.
The realization that I didn’t have to do all the nurturing of my children opened up the possibilities of my job as a nurturer and wiped away the guilt I felt when I couldn’t do it all for my children. It opened my eyes to see better ways of getting my children the things that they needed to grow and develop into amazing adults. My job as their mother suddenly became a partnership with others who had far more expertise in certain areas then I ever would.
For example, I took piano as a child growing up and could teach my kids piano lessons, but I knew that it would be a battle and an overall negative experience for all of us, so I outsourced it. I also knew that if I were to have a job outside the home, I needed somewhere for my littlest to go a few hours a day so I could work. I found a preschool that he loves and that teaches him things like the alphabet, colors, how to get along with your friends, etc. in a much better way than I ever could. While Gospel study and learning is practiced in my home, I knew my oldest would benefit greatly from early morning seminary and learn principles and doctrines in a way I could never teach her. I am forever grateful and will be continually grateful for the men and women who nurture my children in ways I just can’t, either because I don’t have the knowledge to do it or the time and energy.
God knows that all of us mothers will never have all the tools, skills, and knowledge necessary to nurture our children in every way imaginable, but He never intended us to. All He really asks is that we try, we seek His guidance, and then we do our best to make sure our children get the nurturing they need – either through us or by others. Together – with God, our husbands, our family, friends, and others, is how we as mothers fulfill this sacred duty to nurture our children.
Meg is a Certified Life Coach who works with women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to help them rewrite their motherhood stories and have the motherhood they deserve.