Exercising Spiritual Muscle

By Krista Olsen

We’ve all had those times when we’re in a group but we disticintly feel we don’t belong. Whether or not that is actually true, it makes it hard to want to continue to be part of that group. So what keeps us coming back?

Several years ago, I started going to a small, local gym for the first time in my life. Several times a week (or less), I would get up early and go to a “boot camp” class where I sweat up a storm and fought down the urge to vomit all in the name of getting healthier. 

During the first class, I really did almost throw up—I was that out of shape. A friend came over to give me water and advice. “I felt like that when I first started working out. It gets better, I promise!” Her encouragement helped me fight my embarrassment and made me want to keep going. 

As time went on, however, the friends I knew weren’t always there and I found myself surrounded by people who seemed so much stronger than me. The instructor often told me how to modify workouts so they were easier. The instructor was kind and meant well, but I often felt embarrassed for being called out for being weaker than the rest of the class. I knew I should have given myself grace since I was just starting, and I knew I would get stronger in time, but I just didn’t feel like this place was for me. I was never athletic and my petite frame seemed better suited for yoga, not daily torture.

After a while my attendance dwindled and it got harder each time to wake up early for something I didn’t enjoy doing. The longer I went without going, the harder it was to go back.

One day it hit me: how hard it must be to go back to church after not attending for a while. Before the Pandemic, not attending church was a very visible way to measure someone’s spiritual strength, but not a very accurate one. 

I wonder, how many of us go to church and compare our own spiritual strength to others? How many of us feel called out and weak when we hear the lessons? I think it is more common than people are willing to admit. 

Looking back, I wish I had kept going, but I just didn’t feel like I belonged. I often wonder if I would have continued had someone taken me under their wing or made an effort to show that they cared when I stopped coming. 

I think we all need the same. Each of us needs someone who will notice and care when we are not there. It’s not easy; I think we often feel like we’re being too bothersome. We think, If they really wanted to come, they would be here, right? Well, here are 4 simple actions you can take to reach out to friends who are no longer attending church:

• Be a friend first. Show interest in their lives outside of church. Spend time with them. You can invite them over for dinner or a game night, as a few examples. That way they won’t feel like a project—they’ll sense that you really care.
• Ask them. The best way to be clear about whether or not someone wants to go back to church is to ask! This can be done in a way that is kind and respectful. For example, “Hey, you don’t have to talk about this if you’re not comfortable, but are you interested in going back to church, or are you choosing to step away right now?” It might seem scary to ask, but it always helps to get things out in the open.
• Offer specific help. Circumstances such as work on Sunday or health problems can make it difficult for people to come to church. Offer to bring church to them, if possible. If transportation is an issue, you can offer them a ride. Find out specifically why it is challenging for them to go to church and offer help instead of waiting for them to “let you know how you can help.”
• Check in. Once you know if they want to boost their church attendance, check in often. Obviously, you don’t want to overwhelm them, but you can send them a text once a month letting them know you missed them at church or an activity.

Whether it is going to the gym or going to church, everyone needs someone who will cheer them on in their spiritual journey. Someone who will send a text and say, “Hey, I missed you today!” After all, The Savior left the ninety-and-nine to find the one. He wants us back, no matter how far along we are in our spiritual fitness. 

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