Pursuing Inner Growth Over Outward Comparison
By Allie Barnes
One of my closest friends is an ultrarunner. He trains to run in 50 kilometer, 50 mile, and 100 kilometer trail races. He works with coaches and nutritionists to create the optimal plan for his training. For a majority of the year, running is his entire life.
Meanwhile, I am an occasional, recreational runner. I enjoy it, but I am not running anywhere near the mileage he is—nor do I want to. But I remember spending a lot of time with him one summer, along with our mutual friends, and everyone’s attention would always shift to him—his accomplishments and his ambitions. He was the runner. I was suddenly invisible.
I felt resentment. I felt jealous.
Meanwhile, this friend of mine didn’t notice at all. In fact, he would rather not have any attention at all. He simply ran because he truly enjoyed it, found personal satisfaction in it, and loved to see himself improve with his efforts.
He wasn’t looking for external praise. He cared more about who he was becoming internally.
It took me far too long to learn this lesson: The external things I do only matter if they contribute to my internal, personal growth.
Emma Smith was described through revelation as an “elect lady”—a title that we all surely hold as beloved daughters of our Heavenly Father. But it’s important to remember that while the revelation (in D&C 25) notes some external tasks that Emma was called to accomplish—such as supporting her husband in translating scripture and compiling a book of hymns—most of the revelation concerns who Emma was called to become internally. She is invited to become faithful, virtuous, patient, compassionate, meek, brave, humble, and to “lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better.”
Emma’s external experiences only mattered as much as they helped shape who she would become—an elect lady.
I don’t love running like my friend does, but my own interests and circumstances have helped me become more in ways I wouldn’t have expected. For example, I’ve developed greater determination as I’ve pursued my masters degree, increased my knowledge and skills through various creative projects, and learned greater patience throughout 2020.
I’m closer to who Heavenly Father wants me to become.
Here are some questions to consider—and discuss with your Heavenly Father—while making a shift from external to internal growth:
Do I enjoy the work, endeavors, and callings I am a part of?
If not, how can I make those things more enjoyable and fulfilling?
How am I growing internally from the work, endeavors, and callings I am a part of?
How am I growing internally from my situations?
What attributes have I increased in over the past year?
What Christlike attributes do I want to develop? (See Preach My Gospel chapter 6)
What callings or roles does my patriarchal blessing note for me?
What attributes does my patriarchal blessing invite me to develop?
How can I work with Heavenly Father to make my experiences and endeavors more meaningful?
We are taught to “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for [our] good” (D&C 90:24). In the April 2020 General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson urged us “to do whatever it takes to increase your spiritual capacity to receive personal revelation.” I wholeheartedly believe that it is through these inner workings—this searching, pondering, praying, and faith—that we can become the “elect” as God has called us to be.
I am so grateful for who I’ve become. Regardless of what others may see on the outside—the projects, goals, shortcomings and successes—who I’ve become on the inside matters so much more.
Allie Barnes is an LDS writer and speaker. Her first book, “Not According to Plan,” is available now on Amazon. You can find Allie on Instagram @lookslikewandering